When a Book Comes to You at the Right Time and You Didn't Even Realize it

This was a bit of a hard post to write. I want to mention that this post talks about loss, and miscarriage, and if these topics aren't for you, it's okay, please feel free click off. 

I recently came across an Instagram post from Hannah at So Obsessed With featuring this book and it was one of those times where the book felt like it was calling to me. I think sometimes books reach us right where we didn't realize that we needed to be reached, and this was one of those moments. I picked up the book from the library and started reading it. 

The book I'm talking about is.. 

The Husband Hour by Jamie Brenner

When a young widow's reclusive life in a charming beach town is interrupted by a surprise visitor, she is forced to reckon with dark secrets about her family, her late husband, and the past she tried to leave behind.

Lauren Adelman and her high school sweetheart, Rory Kincaid, are a golden couple. They marry just out of college as Rory, a star hockey player, earns a spot in the NHL. Their future could not look brighter when Rory shocks everyone-Lauren most of all-by enlisting in the U.S. Army. When Rory dies in combat, Lauren is left devastated, alone, and under unbearable public scrutiny.

Seeking peace and solitude, Lauren retreats to her family's old beach house on the Jersey Shore. But this summer she's forced to share the house with her overbearing mother and competitive sister. Worse, a stranger making a documentary about Rory tracks her down and persuades her to give him just an hour of her time.

One hour with filmmaker Matt Brio turns into a summer of revelations, surprises, and upheaval. As the days grow shorter and her grief changes shape, Lauren begins to understand the past-and to welcome the future.

As I started reading this book, I found Lauren's grieving thoughts to hit me in a spot I didn't expect. To explain.. this past winter, I had two miscarriages. My first one was unexpected at 15 weeks. It was late Christmas night when everything happened suddenly and at home. We were devastated. We waited what was recommended and decided to try again. In late March, we went in for our first ultrasound with a new pregnancy and saw a small heartbeat. There was a flicker of hope, but at the next ultrasound, the heartbeat was no longer there. In April, I went through my second miscarriage. 

Miscarriage isn't usually talked about, and even less so, grieving through a miscarriage. But the loss is there. The moments when I found out I was pregnant, I began to run through the baby's life. Would they look like their older brothers? Would they be my third boy or my first daughter? Would they like this or that? I thought about what great big brothers my two boys would be. Though the baby didn't grow past a few weeks/months, I had a whole life ready and imagined for both of those little ones.

Though Lauren in The Husband Hour is grieving from the loss of her husband, I felt a kinship to the character as I had been working through my own grief for the last couple months. She wanted to work more hours to keep busy while I took on more house projects and found myself cleaning the day away. She wanted to be alone while I wanted to be at home with my husband and kids and anytime we left or I went somewhere, I would wish to be back home. 

I love this quote.. 

"At first... every day the effort not to wallow in her grief and her memories was as fresh and agonizing as if it were the first. But gradually, her tunnel vision, her focus on only the day in front of her, became easier, and eventually, it was second nature."

They say that time is the only thing that heals when it comes to loss. Though I haven't forgotten my two angel babies, and I never will, I find myself looking more forward than a couple months ago. 

It was one of my favorite parts to see Lauren's character development throughout the book. Her paths seemed so realistic to me. But! There was more to love about this book than just my relation to Lauren. I also loved the balance between plot and characters. Secrets were revealed, conflict between people happened. It was messy at times in the real way that families and groups of people can be in real life. 

I want to emphasis that this book wasn't a sad book. There were moments of happiness and sadness, but there's so much more than just Lauren's story. There's her mother and sister working through their own things. Matt, the filmmaker and potential love interest, had his own story as well. Seeing the stories interweave and connect was wonderful. I stayed up way late trying to finish this book because I couldn't stop reading it. I thoroughly enjoyed this one and for more than how relatable it felt. I can see myself recommending this often in the future.